Hey all, i haven’t posted in quite a long time, mostly because i’ve never had anything to write about. I still don’t, really.
However, I was just looking at Nintendo’s new video game console release at E3, the WiiU, and saw a lot of things wrong with it. And absolutely no one seems to care. so i decided i would write about that. And write a lot. But i don’t want to just write about that, either. I kind of want to get a routine going, where i show you all what the world looks like through my eyes. We’ll call this Bluecreature’s Rant.
But on to the WiiU. Like any new console release, the announced games seem like a mixed bag. Pikmen 3 looks pretty amazing, even though i have absolutely no experience in the series, while ZombiU (i think that’s how you spell it) looks absolutely and awesomely terrifying. Gameplay may not be great, though. I’ll get to that later. Meanwhile, Tanks! Tanks! Tanks! may look cool, but is almost exactly the same as the arcade game of the same name released in 2009. I’m not even going to try to rate New Super Mario Bros. U, the fourth installment of the New series. Oh, and don’t forget about Batman: Arkham City: Armoured Edition! The amazing features of this rereleased game are the ability to change your armor using the WiiU’s new touchscreen controller, being able to control the trajectory of the batarang, and making boatloads of cash for the people who spent like 5 minutes converting the game to a new console. But I don’t want to be stuck ranting on batman. It’s a good game, after all. Why would you not want to make twice as much money on it as you should have?
What I really wanted to talk about is the new controller for the WiiU. It’s a touchscreen, I mentioned that. But that doesn’t matter. We’ve had those for years. What matters is that it even has a screen at all. For instance, on ZombiU, the tv screen depicts the player in first person shooter mode, looking for zombies. that’s fine, everything’s good so far. But down on the controller screen is the map of the whole area, the ability to switch weapons and execute commands.
This is bad, as some studies have shown that the average human brain that multitasks on two things at the the same time only retain 10% percent per item of what their focus would have been if they were only focusing on one thing. the other 80% goes to the constant switching of gears beween the two. This new controller completely takes your eyes off the game and adds fake pressure to the gameplay. Let me explain: if you need to pull out a better weapon to obliterate a zombie army, you have to look down at the controller and look away from the army of zombies and find that better weapon on the screen in order to use it. If you’ve just killed that army of zombies and you want to look at the map to see of there are more around the corner, you have to look away from the tv, giving the perfect opportunity for a zombie to pop out from around the corner and tear you to bits.
It’s as if your new car has one square foot of front window while the rest is this awesome-looking metal, but to make up for it the designers gave you this handy tablet with a feed from a camera attached to the front of the car, so you must look down at your lap to tell whether or not you’re about to run into a semi.
Anyways, no one else seems to care about these features (and quite a few others) that would just make this console a worse version of the wii. It almost seems like Nintendo needs to replace the wii. I mean, the wii is still the newest gaming console, right? the xbox 360 hasn’t been replaced… nor the playstation 3. they have no real need to make a new game system. except to make money, of course.
And we’re not counting either of these.